My Dear Friend,

Whenever a man presumes to speak a word of correction to ladies, he is on thin ice. And that's where I am right now - ready to sink, splash, and bob for my life in freezing waters! Nevertheless, this word of loving correction is long overdue.

Recently, some churches have begun calling their pastors' wives "lady" (or "first lady"). Now I know they mean well. They want only to honor their pastors' wives. But this title presents a problem: it is not found in the New Testament. More importantly, it implies nobility, or holding a superior social position in an upper class, specifically, in England. Historically, English "lords" and "ladies" were considered above "commoners" - and they would quickly let you know it if you forgot it! Such titles have no place in the church. Why?

No believer in Jesus Christ is above another. We are all beautifully recreated in Christ as perfect, humble equals before God. Paul taught that Jew, Greek, slave, free man, male, female, "ye are all one ['the same,' NCV] in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). Pastors, elders, and other leaders are first among equals, and their offices, while honorable, nevertheless do not in any way lift them above those to whom they minister.

And no minister, even the most successful, is in the slightest way above the most seemingly insignificant Christian. This concept of the commonality of all believers is the core of the spiritually minded unity Jesus prayed we would have (John 17:21-23). And our humility-driven unity helps us love one another and serve one another freely on the same plane of grace and, because it is so rare, draw others to our Unifier.

By attaching titles to our pastors' wives that imply social superiority, we unwittingly lift them above the other ladies in the flock. This is the exact opposite of Christ's plan and Paul's teaching in that, consciously or unconsciously, it may cause pastors' wives to think they are above their congregations.

This misstep may easily breed the worst sin: pride! Once rooted, pride causes us to expect, or even demand, special treatment! Once loosed in the soul, there is no end to the arrogance pride may create - and the spiritually hungry, growing Christians it may stumble. But there's more.

The apostle Peter also addressed this issue in the Scriptures - which are inspired, inerrant, and authoritative. He urged pastors to humbly and affectionately "feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight of it" voluntarily, not by compulsion, and not in pride. Or, "not . . . as being lords over God's heritage," but instead "being examples to the flock" (1 Peter 5:2-3).

In this context, the Holy Spirit orders two key correctives. Let's examine them:

First, pastors and elders are "not" to even remotely see themselves as ecclesiastical "lords." "Lord" (Greek, katakyrieuo) speaks of a Roman or other pagan ruler who subdues others and then rules them as an apathetic, self-serving master focused on his pleasure, not their needs. Instead of leading and feeding his subjects with grace, a "lord" dominates and drives them as a superior among inferiors.

The church, conversely, has only one "Lord" and He is the opposite of the kind I just described. At His First Advent, He came "not to be ministered unto, but to minster, and to give" (Matthew 20:28). So much so, that He let His body be broken and blood spilled just to save us from eternal separation from God. And today, as Lord and Head of His church, yes, He rules our lives. But He does so with loving authority, as a uniquely benevolent and selfless Superior - a Good Shepherd, not a Roman ruler. Though our sovereign Master, who calls us to serve Him and one another wholeheartedly, He is committed to serving all our soul and life needs in this life. He constantly focuses on turning everything that touches our lives to serve not only His "good" will but also our highest "good" (Romans 8:28).

Therefore, we don't need an elder to be our lord, because we already have one. And His name is Jesus, not "pastor." How does this relate to pastors' wives?

If a pastor should not consider himself a "lord," doesn't it follow that his wife should also not consider herself a "lady"? Or remain silent while other Christians speak of her in this superior way? The New Testament requires not only pastors but also their wives to be "of good character" (1 Timothy 3:11, CJB). From the New Testament perspective, this means they should be humble, not proud; wholly concerned with serving Christ's sheep, not with being served by them; desiring only to live honorably, not receive honors from others.

Second, the Spirit's instructions through Peter also orders leaders to be the opposite of proud, domineering pagan lords. Specifically, they should be "examples to the flock." "Examples" are Christian role models, those to whom others may look to find Christlike attitudes, actions, words, and ways to observe, consider, and practice. This, also, applies to pastors' wives.

To them, I ask, do you really want distinctive titles and treatment if they may stir the women you lead to think too highly of you? Or if, consciously or unconsciously, their pride or envy moves them to seek special honors or treatment themselves? That's fostering worldly "pride of life" (1 John 2:16), not Christlike spiritual maturity. At core, Korah's sin was rebellion prompted by envious pride. He selfishly demanded the office and honors God sovereignly gave Moses and Aaron (Numbers 16:9-11).

By contrast, Jesus of Nazareth was the humblest, least title-seeking person to ever live. While many Jewish leaders, highly visible and distinctively robed, stood on the streetcorners of the marketplaces, and enjoyed hearing the inferior, ignorant Jewish rabble call them "rabboni," "doctor," or "ruler," the greatest Rabbi, Doctor, and Ruler who ever lived just walked by them and kept quietly pursuing His Father's will. Jesus didn't need titles or public praise. As long as His Father was smiling on His life, meeting Him daily in the secret place of prayer and Scripture meditation, and saying to His heavenly court, "This is my Son, in whom I am well-pleased," Jesus was well-pleased. And Paul urged us to "have this mind" in us (Philippians 2:5-8).

Remember, Christ's very kingdom is founded on humility. Those seeking titles, preferential treatment, and other honors for themselves in this life will be shocked in the next life. In Christ's eternal kingdom the humblest will be first and the proudest last. Not once but on three separate occasions Jesus solemnly warned, "Whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased," and sweetly promised, "he that shall humble himself shall be exalted" (Matthew 23:12; see Luke 14:11; 18:14). If Jesus said this three times, shouldn't we pause, ponder what He said, and practice it?

Considering these biblical truths, may I humbly suggest we stop calling pastors' wives "lady"? Since we would never call our pastors "lord," why call their wives "lady"? Wouldn't it be more Christlike, and biblical, to call them by their given name, or simply, "sister"? We are all children of the same Father serving the same Son with the same Spirit by the same Word in the same heavenly family, are we not?

And to pastors' wives who have innocently or ambitiously assumed the title "lady," I humbly suggest: Why not set your title aside, and tell your congregation why you are doing so? It would please Christ, bring His Spirit's blessing on you afresh, and free your congregation from this emerging, errant, title tradition. And it would endear them to you for setting an example of Christlike humility for them to follow. Should your congregation still love and honor you?

Of course, as long as you live honorably. Besides, you deserve respect for loving, assisting, and at times tolerating that ponderous, preachy, prominent, and sometimes puffed-up pulpiteer with whom you live and serve! Yes, this correction applies to him, too, if he begins seeking titles, honors, and special treatment. (May I share a secret? The Chief Shepherd has a special, very sharp, humility needle with which He pops the swelling egos of His undershepherds whenever they need it!)

Well, the thin ice has broken, I'm sinking fast, and I have no one to blame but myself. But don't pity me. Since I've written this to please our Lord, and help His Lady - His bride, the church - I'm confident He will rescue me from the icy waters.

For my Lord, and His Lady,

Greg Hinnant

GREG HINNANT MINISTRIES