My fellow Christian,

Overwhelmed and undone by the terrible adversities God poured upon him to test and purify his faith, Job cried out in despair, “Have pity upon me, O ye my friends” (Job 19:21).

At the moment, Job’s problems were twofold. First, his awful troubles—and they were terrible! Second, his awful self-pity. Let’s focus on the latter.

Self-pity is an unhealthy sorrow for oneself arising from a purely selfish viewpoint of one’s troubles. It gives excessive attention to one’s stresses and sorrows and insufficient attention, or none at all, to one’s blessings and joys. By its sheer obsessiveness, it convinces its victims that their woes are worse than anyone else’s. If practiced often, self-pity becomes habitual.

When this happens, it consumes all our positive energy, halts all our forward progress, and blinds us to all approaching hopeful, advantageous opportunities. It leaves us bitter, moody, hard to get along with, and, as a result, our friends abandon us and strangers avoid us. Devastatingly destructive, self-pity leaves us socially crippled, mentally blind, emotionally immature, spiritually barren, and our own worst enemy – so tightly bound to past adversities that we’re unable to enjoy even the most wonderful future blessings.

By leaving us small-hearted and carnally minded, instead of large-hearted and Christ-minded, the habit of self-pity makes sanctification – full separation from sin unto full union with God – impossible. It also makes fruitful Christian service impossible, since it fosters an attitude of intense self-absorption. This leaves us wanting everyone to serve us, whereas true Christian service is just the opposite. It is a passion to freely serve others for the sake of Christ, whose ministerial motto was, “The Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).

Self-pity is universal, affecting non-Christians and Christians alike of every nation, race, tongue, and tribe. It resides in the sin nature we inherited from Adam, which the Bible calls our “old man” or “flesh” (Romans. 6:6; 8:12). It is one of the attitudes, or fixed patterns of thinking and feeling, that make up our unrenewed, unspiritual, un-Christlike “carnal mind” (8:7).

Whenever self-pity arises, anger, unthankfulness, and un-mercifulness are also present, though not always evident. We are subconsciously angry, because of unfair treatment, real or imagined, from people—and God, who, in our view, isn’t helping as He should! We are also unthankful, because we are failing to appreciate our past and present blessings. And we are unmerciful, because we’re callously ignoring or minimizing other people’s sufferings, though they may be as bad or worse than our own.

Truly, when under the spell of self-pity, for the moment, we see no one but ourselves and nothing but our troubles. That’s it! That’s all. And that’s sad! And very disappointing to Jesus, who by God’s grace has given us all we need to live free from self-pity, not only in the next but also this life, every moment of every day and every trial, however challenging.

As Christians, we must learn that God’s Word reveals there is nothing innocent or good or even pitiful about self-pity. It is not a normal attitude, an unavoidable letdown, or a harmless passing mood to simply be ignored. To the contrary, Scripture identifies it as satanic! And it shows that, therefore, we must face it and address it with a determined mind.

When Jesus announced He was going to Jerusalem to die on the cross for the redemption of the world, Peter responded, “Be it far from thee, Lord” (Matthew 16:22). By suggesting that Jesus reject His divinely chosen hardship, Peter was urging Him to pity Himself: “Be kind to thyself, Sir” (YLT); or, “Spare thyself” (Gill’s Exposition); or, “Pity thyself” (KJV translators’ notes).

Jesus’ surprising response exposed the real spirit behind Peter’s suggestion: “Get thee behind me Satan!” (Matthew 16:23). God’s ancient nemesis, Satan, was attempting to move Jesus to respond to the Father’s call to the cross with excessive self-consideration, to consider Himself before the Father’s good will and the human race’s desperate need of salvation from sin’s terribly harmful effects and Satan’s terribly cruel control. Let’s learn more.

The Things That Trigger Self-Pity

Self-pity arises as a faulty reaction to adversity—offenses, injustices, indignities, injuries, or crosses which often come because we are doing God’s will, or we are obeying or ministering His saving, liberating Word. Self-pity may also be triggered by other adversities.

Disappointments

Disappointment over unrealized hopes often causes self-pity. When suddenly let down, especially very hard, we tend to feel sorry for ourselves. But we don’t have to, since we have a sure, eternal hope in our salvation and a blessed, purifying, and anchoring hope in our Lord’s soon appearing! Not to mention the hopes of knowing Christ ever more closely, experiencing joyous Christian service in this world whatever our troubles, and rich eternal rewards for faithfulness to be enjoyed throughout eternity!

Sinful Attitudes

Self-pity may be brought on by sinful attitudes, such as envy – which is unjustified anger at someone having something one keenly wants oneself. King Saul relentlessly persecuted David because he envied David’s success in war and popularity with the people. Even though Saul was the aggressor and David the aggressed, Saul complained pitifully to his men, “None of you is sorry for me … that my son has stirred up my servant against me” (1 Samuel 22:8). But Saul didn’t have to yield to self-pity. He had so many blessings he was ignoring – including David himself – who as Saul’s court musician, honorable son-in-law, and skilled military commander responsible for multiple victories against Israel’s dreaded Philistine enemies, was a huge blessing to the pity-blinded monarch!

Severe or Prolonged Sickness

Self-pity may be stirred by severe or prolonged sicknesses. When despite his righteousness, Job suddenly found himself covered from head to foot with severely painful boils, he soon succumbed to self-pitying murmurings. Long paralysis caused the cripple by the Pool of Bethesda to be similarly gripped with excessive self-sympathy. When Jesus questioned him, His words were psychoanalytical: “Do you want (or desire) to be healed?” (John 5:6). He wanted this man to realize his real root problem. He had been sick in body so long he had become sick in his mind and will: he had given up hope that he would ever be healed and so stopped trying to get into the waters when, in an apparently exceptional divine work, healing was in progress.

God’s Corrective Discipline

God’s chastening, or correction training, may also spark self-pity. Sometimes when God is dealing with us, we feel so sorry that God’s rod is on us day and night, and we seem to be digressing rather than progressing, we get tired of it all and give up. Foolishly, we wish God would just leave us alone and let us sulk in our self-pity. But we don’t have to react this way. We can choose to focus on the wonderful purpose behind God’s moral training, which comes to perfect our Christian character so we may know Christ more, bear more fruit of the Spirit, be more fruitful in his kingdom work, and have the deep joy and contentment of knowing we are fulfilling the purpose of our creation.

Ongoing Material Need

Ongoing material need, including seasons of poverty, may give rise to self-pity. We must scrape and labor and cut corners just to have food to eat or a roof over our heads. We’ve prayed for more financial prosperity, but it is delayed, and God seems not to care – while others whom we know are sinners or carnal Christians seem financially blessed, peaceful and full of joy. So, as we obsess over this specter, we sink in self-pity. But we don’t have to do so. The Christians in Smyrna were in material poverty, yet Jesus said they were “rich” spiritually and had His highest approval (Revelation 2:8-11). We, too, can find spiritual riches – contentment, peace, joy, love, eternal hope, God’s presence, and a divine call to help build God’s eternal kingdom! It boils down to this: what will we focus on, our poverty or our Prince?

Bereavement

Bereavement may easily cause self-pity to raise its ugly head. Oh, our life was so full, so sweet, so wonderful when our loved one was with us. But now he (or she) is gone and we are left to face life all alone. And we begin sinking, day by day, month after month. Until we catch ourselves and receive the blessing of conviction: we’ve capitulated to selfish sorrow! Then we can begin recovery.

It's War! Take Captive or Be Captive!

Many other kinds of hardships or losses, if focused on too long, without remembering God’s counterbalancing blessings, may easily give rise to selfish sorrow.

The apostle Paul taught we are in a very real but invisible spiritual war against Satan’s demonic agents, who, in Ephesians 6:12, Paul called the “rulers of the darkness of this world.” Their diabolical assignment is to shut out the light of Christ, His righteousness, and His Word. Therefore, they relentlessly oppose Christians who are seeking the light of God’s Word, obeying it in their daily lives and sharing it in testimony or ministry—or helping those who are in ministry.

This spiritual warfare goes on nonstop! And to win it we must learn to fight, not our way, but God’s way. The struggle is for the primary door through which Satan influences us: our minds! We win this war by filling our minds with all of God’s thoughts—His Word, Old Testament and New—and taking all wrong thoughts captive to God’s thoughts. This is simple, yet demanding, because we must learn to examine ourselves honestly and cannot be spiritual indolent. In 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, Paul wrote: "We are humans, but we don't wage war as humans do. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds . . . We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ” (NLT).

Now hear this, my friend: either we take self-pity captive or it takes us captive! There is no middle ground in this war.

Self-pity spiritually captivates us when we fail to recognize it and “cast down” our self-sympathizing thoughts, or quickly and firmly reject them, as Jesus did. When Peter suggested that He not go to the cross, Christ did not hesitate. He immediately and decisively rejected Peter’s self-sympathizing suggestion and gave it no further place in his mind, choosing rather to dwell on God’s thoughts, namely, that the Father sent him to die on that cross so the whole world might be saved, as Jesus said earlier: “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16, NKJV).

The Apostle Paul Practiced What He Preached!

Self-pity sometimes takes us spiritually captive when friends, family, neighbors, or fellow Christians speak to us with excessive sympathy when they learn we are experiencing adversity. They mean well, of course, but may lack a spiritual (biblical) viewpoint toward our problems.

For example, when Paul visited Caesarea on his way to Rome, the well-known prophet, Agabus, predicted Paul would be arrested and jailed in Jerusalem. After hearing this, Paul’s friends, and even Luke, wept for fear and begged him to change his itinerary and not visit Jerusalem. Luke writes, “And when we heard these things, both we, and they of that place besought him not to go up to Jerusalem” (Acts 21:12).

But Paul, who was already convinced God wanted him to go to Jerusalem, and who for years had been focused on God’s will for his life and blind to his own self-consideration, would have none of it: "What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be bound, but even to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus" (Acts 21:13). Wisely, as he had done many times before, Paul took self-pity captive before it had a chance to take him captive! And he did not turn back to its ensnaring suggestion again! Why?

Paul knew very well that, once self-pity gains the upper hand, it is like quicksand. It grips us, holds us, and gradually pulls us lower and lower. Truly deadly, self-pity:

• Traps us in a revolving door of spiritual stagnation that keeps us from finishing the race set before us

• Renders us weak and unfaithful in duty and encourages excessive self-indulgence and self-comfort (Many are obese in part because, when indulging self-pity, they also indulge in low-nutrition, high-fat “comfort foods.”)

• Moves us to seek revenge by slandering our adversaries, who we blame for our own faulty reaction to our adversities . . . which God sovereignly permits hoping we will learn how to accept them, endure well, and grow spiritually mature.

• Distorts our self-view, leads to a victim mentality, and in some cases, paranoia.

• Stumbles our companions by causing them to misjudge and condemn those we ceaselessly slander—and to question God for seeming to neglect us.

• Eventually infects others who, because of their proximity, must listen to our dour pity party; soon they lose their Christian positivity and start feeling sorry for themselves! And the sad, destructive cycle of self-pity spreads like a deadly virus.

The longer we remain in this spiritual and psychological quicksand, the greater the chances that self-pity will take us under, rendering us savorless salt, spiritually unemployable, and a grief to Christ.

The Glad News!

Lest I set some kind of dubious record for negativity, let me add some glad tidings. Many overcome self-pity and finish their life-race strong and fruitful!

The Apostle John

he apostle John, for instance, rose above his lonely exile on the Isle of Patmos and received the richest spiritual rewards possible: a vision of Jesus … an open door in heaven … and the greatest prophetic revelation in human history: the Book of Revelation!

John the Baptist

When Jesus graciously but bluntly rebuked John the Baptist for being offended at Him (Luke 7:23), probably because Jesus let John remain bound in prison while He was freeing thousands spiritually every day, John immediately forsook all self-pity. We may assume he spent his last days in prison bound by Herod but unbound by self-pity. And when he went home to God—without his head!—he did so in a humble, joyful, thankful, positive, God-honoring attitude. This is why Jesus could so highly praise John immediately after His corrective rebuke of the great prophet: "For I say unto you, among those born of women, there is not a greater prophet than John the Baptist" (Luke 7:28).

Ruth

Though visited by bereavement that left her a desolate and childless widow, Ruth courageously and humbly threw off any self-pity she was tempted to indulge. Soon after this, God tossed rich blessings her way that quickly filled her empty life: a husband, home, child, local favor, and a most honorable family line. Why? Ruth’s life was a grand object lesson for the ages. Her devout character and rich blessings teach us this vital truth: God steadily shows pity—answering prayers, rescuing, giving favor, blessing richly!—on those who steadily refuse to pity themselves!

The Sad News!

Many others who once had God’s favor, lost it by, among other errors, succumbing to self-pity.

King Saul

On two occasions, God used David’s merciful refusal to lift his hand against King Saul to publicly prove David’s innocence and Saul’s guilt (1 Samuel 24, 26). But even these undeniable proofs did not melt the king’s sin-frozen soul or bow his proud heart. Instead of humbling himself, confessing his murderous envy, repenting, and receiving David back into his favor, Saul went steadily in the opposite direction. He fed, pampered, indulged, and grew his self-pity day after day, until his soul became irreversibly barren. He was a full-fledged apostate. Once the defender of God’s people, he was now a defector.

The Holy Spirit’s anointing lifted. Demons tormented him constantly—since only while listening to David’s gifted harping did the troubled king find momentary peace. Then God’s voice fell silent in his life. He was cut off from the vine and vineyard of God, and left a castaway! His once-bright destiny was now faded and fallen.

Pause, and patiently ponder Saul’s sad example. If nothing else, it shows us that it is imperative that we eliminate, not indulge, self-pity.

Some Practical Biblical Instructions

If practiced faithfully, the following practical biblical instructions will inoculate your soul against the deadly virus of self-pity:

• Confess the sin of self-pity to God whenever it finds place in you (1 John 1:9), and to others, if they have witnessed it in your conversations and actions (Jas. 5:16).

• In Jesus’ name (delegated authority), do not ask but instead command Satan to “Be gone!” just as Jesus did when Satan spoke to Him through Peter.

• Believe you can do “all things” through Christ’s imparted divine strength and ability, including mastering self-pity (Philippians 4:13).

• Develop your spiritual mind by seeing your troubles through the wide viewfinder of Scripture, not the narrow spyglass of self-sympathy.

• Fully accept that all the difficulties you will ever face will come from your Father’s hand for some “good” purpose (Romans 8:28-29; 1 Thessalonians 5:18).

• Thank and praise God in your adversities, and for them, since only by mastering them can you become like Jesus—and free of all self-pity (Ephesians 5:20)!

• Rise and minister to other people’s needs—freeing yourself from the chains of selfishness to live and serve others joyfully, every day, for Christ’s sake.

• Look around and see for yourself how many people are suffering as badly as you are, or worse—some far worse!

If persisted in, these simple biblical instructions will make you one of the rarest of all the wonders of the world: an overcomer!

You will be a fully developed, spiritually minded, Christlike, spiritually adult, mature Christian who, no matter what happens, will continue walking closely with Jesus, worshiping Him daily, faithfully serving others for His sake, using your gifts, fulfilling your call, and giving thanks in whatever circumstance Christ puts you in, with not the slightest trace of self-pity . . .

Until He comes,

Dr. Greg Hinnant

GREG HINNANT MINISTRIES